video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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