What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
