Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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