dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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