I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
