Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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