i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
