I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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