Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
