i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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