You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
