Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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