I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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