I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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