No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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