do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
