i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
