I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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