I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
