I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
