It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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