i may or may not be watching the land before time
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just googled if crying burns calories
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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