Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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