Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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