I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize