There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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