Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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