I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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