Jerry, you need to find god
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
