Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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