On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Come share oat with me in your robe
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
