Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
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You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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