weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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