The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
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the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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