I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Mom said you looked used
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
