i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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