My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
