apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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