my mouth tastes like poor choices
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
