We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
