i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
