if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
