o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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