I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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