I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
