All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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