I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother