It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
