so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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