I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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