Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
