you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
