just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
