I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i think i have two assholes
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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