just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
