in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
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Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
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My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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