Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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