he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
