I skipped work to stalk him.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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