K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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