Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
