I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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