That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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