I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
