i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
