So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize