my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
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Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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